On my drive to work this morning I started thinking about a lot of things...a lot! I know over the past year I have questioned so many decisions I have made and so many things that had been happening with me and I was so unsure about so many things in my life. I was depressed for so many months! Now I dont know if its just the hormones from me being pregnant thats making me feel this way but this morning I realized my life is more than amazing.
Of course Steve and I have had ups and downs...what relationship doesn't. No relationship is perfect no matter what people want to believe. He loves me and supports me and stands by me no matter what we go through and what more could I ask for from another human being. Not only is he going to be an amazing husband but he is such a wonderful daddy. It's crazy how much a person can change in such a short time but Steve has changed (for the better) more than I had ever imagined. I love knowing that he is mine and that we are our own family and we are in love. We have everything anyone could need.
With our second babe on it's way we've had doubts about things but then realized we're going to be more than fine.
I am really a lucky girl. I've got my soul mate, I have my son who is my whole heart and means the absolute world to me, I've got great friends who I trust and confide in and are there for me always, I have a super supportive family who are so good to me, I have a job making more money than most people my age even the ones who spent all that time in college, I have a house, a car and other materialistic things. I'm young and have so much to look forward too. I'm not going to have anymore doubts or worry about things that I have no control over and focus on everything important to me and making my family better and stronger than we already are. I guess I had a revelation this morning that just made me in the absolute best mood ever and made me realize that I love being me. There are so many people who don't have close to what I have. My ex- boyfriend calls me every now and then so depressed cause he can not get his life together and I never know what to tell him.He's only dated one other girl after me but his life is just all sorts of chaotic and he's the same age as me and still lives at home with his parents. I have people I know complaining they can't find a significant other or someone to be with.I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm grateful for everything I have and the decisions I have made up until now. If i didn't take chances and choices I'd probably still be with my ex putting up with his crap and lies and whatever else...and I'd probably still have those same horrible friends that I let walk all over me. So glad thats all done now.
I have a 4 day weekend after today and I'm excited to spend so much time with Aiden. When I ask him where the baby is he lifts up my shirt and tickles my belly and pokes my belly button haha. He is so silly! I'm so excited for so many things, i just wish the weather would get nicer so we are able to enjoy them <3
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I would sacrifice the world I carry upon my shoulders, only to be part of yours
I guess it is about time I share the news with anyone who hasn't heard it yet. In my last post I mentioned I was going to be going to the doctor and I had a feeling I might be pregnant, well I was correct. I went over last Monday for what was supposed to be a regular check up. They took me to the back room and did my weight and asked me when my last period was and I told them I was about 10 days late. They did a pregnancy test right there and in less than a minute....
2 lines(=positive) . I went home that night really upset because this wasn't what Steve and I had planned at all and I knew he wasn't going to want it.We were working on having our engagement party and doing wedding planning stuff and AFTER we were married we were going to have another little one. I got in the door and sat down and talked to Steve and he was all ready to talk abortion and whatever else and it got me thinking about the whole Aiden situation. When I told him I was pregnant with Aiden I understood his reasoning for wanting to have an abortion because we only together a short time and it was a bad situation... but now, we're engaged, we live together and we want to spend the rest of our lives together so what would be so bad about having the baby now. We have a house, we both have great paying jobs, we're not poor (knock on wood) and things have been going really well. Ultimately after a few days of arguing back and forth and both of us making our valid points we decided we were going to have it. The due date is November 20th and it will be a C-section so it will probably be here sooner.That's a whole year before we get married and still gives us plenty of time for everything. I think everything is going to work out fine and I'm really excited.
I've been feeling really sick the past few weeks and with Aiden I had NO sickness at all. I'm hoping this one is a little girl but I will be happy either way. Steve said he wants to name the baby whether its a boy or a girl since I got to name Aiden.
I also found out that my cousin is pregnant too and we are only a few weeks apart. How exciting is that?!!
So now that everything is good on the home front it makes things a lot easier and stress free. I need to go food shopping tonight but I am always sooooo exhausted when I get home from work so we'll see how that goes. I think I've written enough for today so I'll continue in my next post.
p.s. all my friends who have been super supportive and helpful, I can't thank you enough =)
Jamie, Caitlin, Paige <3
2 lines(=positive) . I went home that night really upset because this wasn't what Steve and I had planned at all and I knew he wasn't going to want it.We were working on having our engagement party and doing wedding planning stuff and AFTER we were married we were going to have another little one. I got in the door and sat down and talked to Steve and he was all ready to talk abortion and whatever else and it got me thinking about the whole Aiden situation. When I told him I was pregnant with Aiden I understood his reasoning for wanting to have an abortion because we only together a short time and it was a bad situation... but now, we're engaged, we live together and we want to spend the rest of our lives together so what would be so bad about having the baby now. We have a house, we both have great paying jobs, we're not poor (knock on wood) and things have been going really well. Ultimately after a few days of arguing back and forth and both of us making our valid points we decided we were going to have it. The due date is November 20th and it will be a C-section so it will probably be here sooner.That's a whole year before we get married and still gives us plenty of time for everything. I think everything is going to work out fine and I'm really excited.
I've been feeling really sick the past few weeks and with Aiden I had NO sickness at all. I'm hoping this one is a little girl but I will be happy either way. Steve said he wants to name the baby whether its a boy or a girl since I got to name Aiden.
I also found out that my cousin is pregnant too and we are only a few weeks apart. How exciting is that?!!
So now that everything is good on the home front it makes things a lot easier and stress free. I need to go food shopping tonight but I am always sooooo exhausted when I get home from work so we'll see how that goes. I think I've written enough for today so I'll continue in my next post.
p.s. all my friends who have been super supportive and helpful, I can't thank you enough =)
Jamie, Caitlin, Paige <3
Monday, March 23, 2009
I gave you everything else but I'm keeping this.
This past weekend was sooooo much fun! On Saturday Steve and I actually got to see a movie (we haven't been to the movies on like 8 months!) and we saw I love you,man and it was actually a really cute,funny movie. My mom watched Aiden for us so after the movie we went back to my parents house and had dinner with then and then did some Karaoke which was quite a treat haha.
Then on Sunday we had plans to go to Steve's parents house for dinner because it was his brothers birthday,so we headed there around 2. Dinner wasn't until 5 so we took Aiden to the park by Steve's house and omg he had sooooo much fun. He was running around and going down every slide he could and he was just being a huge daredevil, it was adorable. After all that, it started to get really cold out so we headed back and just had a nice night with Steve's family and then headed home.
Steve and I are getting stuff organized and ready for the engagement party and he finally picked his best man and groomsmen. He has seven all together so I have to pick 2 more bridesmaids. So the line-up is. Steve's men- His best man is Steve, Groomsmen are Richie, Travis, Dan, Derek, Mike and Itchy. My Maid of Honor is Nicole and my bridesmaids are Paige, Lauren, Lila, Jamie, Jenna, Kim. I'm so excited we've gotten that all settled.
I have a doctors appointment tonight which I actually can't wait for cause theres a small chance I could be pregnant again. I'm a little nervous now but I guess we will see tonight. Until next time.
Then on Sunday we had plans to go to Steve's parents house for dinner because it was his brothers birthday,so we headed there around 2. Dinner wasn't until 5 so we took Aiden to the park by Steve's house and omg he had sooooo much fun. He was running around and going down every slide he could and he was just being a huge daredevil, it was adorable. After all that, it started to get really cold out so we headed back and just had a nice night with Steve's family and then headed home.
Steve and I are getting stuff organized and ready for the engagement party and he finally picked his best man and groomsmen. He has seven all together so I have to pick 2 more bridesmaids. So the line-up is. Steve's men- His best man is Steve, Groomsmen are Richie, Travis, Dan, Derek, Mike and Itchy. My Maid of Honor is Nicole and my bridesmaids are Paige, Lauren, Lila, Jamie, Jenna, Kim. I'm so excited we've gotten that all settled.
I have a doctors appointment tonight which I actually can't wait for cause theres a small chance I could be pregnant again. I'm a little nervous now but I guess we will see tonight. Until next time.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
but you and I are savages
So in my down time I have been doing some wedding planning. I know most people think it's silly cause we have over a year until we get married but planning is sooooo time consuming and I'm pretty much doing it all on my own. I want to make sure I don't miss anything or forget to do something so yes, I am planning early. Obviously everyone knows we have booked a place already since our date is a pretty popular one. We are having our engagement party on May 9th at our new house and its just going to be like a big BBQ with our families and close friends. Things are coming together rather smoothly so far. I have firmly decided on who I want to be my bridesmaids and I couldn't be happier with my decision. I've been worried cause I didn't want certain friends to get offended if I didn't pick them over someone else but if that's the case then they aren't my real friends. I don't really know the limit of how many bridesmaids/groomsmen you can have but I've picked five including my Maid of Honor.
Nicole is going to be my maid of honor. Her and I have become really good friends since Steve and I have been together. She was there the night that Steve proposed to me and she is just great. I hate that she lives in Brooklyn but I definitely don't mind visiting her to do wedding plans. Oh and Steve was her Maid of Honor at her wedding haha.
My Bridesmaids are Paige- she has always been there for me as long as I've known her, from getting me a job with her at Delilah's(haha) to helping me out with Aiden and just being a great friend, she's definitely a great choice. My brother's fiance Kim is another bridesmaid and I picked her for obvious reasons. We're going to be family one day and she's already like a sister to me. Then there is my cousin Lauren, again for obvious reasons, she's family and I love her and lastly Lila!... she's been my cousin Dan's girlfriend for FOREVER and she's just like family too. All in all I think I made the best choices.
Steve is having a hard time choosing his groomsmen which is fine, he has a lot of BEST friends so its going to be a tough decision for him and there really isnt a hurry. I just get super excited about stuff like this and I always plan wayyyy far in advance. I've even worked on the guest list and it's pretty much set, give or take a few people. ahhhh I'm crazy, I know.
Well Paige has been watching Aiden this week since my mom and grandmother are away and Aiden has been being really good for her(unless she's just telling me that to be nice haha) but it makes me really happy that he's good with her and he's even been sharing with Cash. It had me worried that I was going to have a spoiled brat boy. The only thing he DOES NOT LIKE is when I hold another baby. He'll get over it though.
Other than all of this nothing else has been going on. Obviously there's only a few more days until Spring is officially here and I can not wait. Warm weather means better moods and better days.Our friends Mike and Jamie are going to be in Jersey for like a week at the end of the month and we're going to visit with them and their daughter Paisley for a few days. That should be lots of fun too.I'm glad Aiden has more little friends to play with but him and Cash are like besties.They learn soooo much from each other. Well I've got an hour left of work and then home to see my little lovebug.He is so crazy and I love him so so so so so so much.
Nicole is going to be my maid of honor. Her and I have become really good friends since Steve and I have been together. She was there the night that Steve proposed to me and she is just great. I hate that she lives in Brooklyn but I definitely don't mind visiting her to do wedding plans. Oh and Steve was her Maid of Honor at her wedding haha.
My Bridesmaids are Paige- she has always been there for me as long as I've known her, from getting me a job with her at Delilah's(haha) to helping me out with Aiden and just being a great friend, she's definitely a great choice. My brother's fiance Kim is another bridesmaid and I picked her for obvious reasons. We're going to be family one day and she's already like a sister to me. Then there is my cousin Lauren, again for obvious reasons, she's family and I love her and lastly Lila!... she's been my cousin Dan's girlfriend for FOREVER and she's just like family too. All in all I think I made the best choices.
Steve is having a hard time choosing his groomsmen which is fine, he has a lot of BEST friends so its going to be a tough decision for him and there really isnt a hurry. I just get super excited about stuff like this and I always plan wayyyy far in advance. I've even worked on the guest list and it's pretty much set, give or take a few people. ahhhh I'm crazy, I know.
Well Paige has been watching Aiden this week since my mom and grandmother are away and Aiden has been being really good for her(unless she's just telling me that to be nice haha) but it makes me really happy that he's good with her and he's even been sharing with Cash. It had me worried that I was going to have a spoiled brat boy. The only thing he DOES NOT LIKE is when I hold another baby. He'll get over it though.
Other than all of this nothing else has been going on. Obviously there's only a few more days until Spring is officially here and I can not wait. Warm weather means better moods and better days.Our friends Mike and Jamie are going to be in Jersey for like a week at the end of the month and we're going to visit with them and their daughter Paisley for a few days. That should be lots of fun too.I'm glad Aiden has more little friends to play with but him and Cash are like besties.They learn soooo much from each other. Well I've got an hour left of work and then home to see my little lovebug.He is so crazy and I love him so so so so so so much.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
kisses are a far better fate
....You can't know how amazing being loved feels unless hate has shredded you to pieces, and made you absolutely nothing, like steam or laughter from another room. Love is just a high. I think it only truly lasts for the luckiest of people.
So I've got some free time so I thought I would write about what's been up lately. My friend Paige has moved back to NJ from MA and she came over last week with her son Cash =). The 2 little ones played very well and the mommies were able to sit and catch up a bit, it was nice. Cash had his first birthday/party on Sunday which was so cute and so much fun! It makes both Paige and I super happy that our boys play so well together and are so damn cute when they're together haha!
The majority of my family is going to FL for Vaca this week and since my mom and grandmother will both be away Paige is going to watch Aiden! So for entire week I get to come home to lovelies... doesnt get much better than that.
Steve and I started planning and arranging our engagement party and we're probably going to shoot for May 2nd. This way the weather will be nice and we can have like a bbq and an outside party. It should be nice, im excited.
We had amazing weather this past weekend and I spent the entire day Sat. outside with Aiden. We took a walk and then played out in our back yard. It was amazing. I can't wait for more nice weather. I'm on the look out for a treadmill. I want to start exercising on a regular basis and actually stick to it. I started an exercise journal too, i got the idea from the wedding website i use, it helps a lot. Things are good. =)
Paige,Craig and Cash are coming over for dinner tomorrow too which should be good times.
So I've got some free time so I thought I would write about what's been up lately. My friend Paige has moved back to NJ from MA and she came over last week with her son Cash =). The 2 little ones played very well and the mommies were able to sit and catch up a bit, it was nice. Cash had his first birthday/party on Sunday which was so cute and so much fun! It makes both Paige and I super happy that our boys play so well together and are so damn cute when they're together haha!
The majority of my family is going to FL for Vaca this week and since my mom and grandmother will both be away Paige is going to watch Aiden! So for entire week I get to come home to lovelies... doesnt get much better than that.
Steve and I started planning and arranging our engagement party and we're probably going to shoot for May 2nd. This way the weather will be nice and we can have like a bbq and an outside party. It should be nice, im excited.
We had amazing weather this past weekend and I spent the entire day Sat. outside with Aiden. We took a walk and then played out in our back yard. It was amazing. I can't wait for more nice weather. I'm on the look out for a treadmill. I want to start exercising on a regular basis and actually stick to it. I started an exercise journal too, i got the idea from the wedding website i use, it helps a lot. Things are good. =)
Paige,Craig and Cash are coming over for dinner tomorrow too which should be good times.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
the only light for miles
I don't recall where I left off but as of lately things are good. Steve is back from England and even though it was a short trip I missed him so much.He had a really good experience and I'm really happy that he had the opportunity to go.
I had a snow day yesterday and it was very uneventful. I really hate snow and cold weather. The only time I tolerate snow is around Christmas time...snowing in March just makes me miserable. Steve and I watched an America's Next Top Model marathon yesterday and in one of the episodes they were in China and it was really pretty there. Then Steve and I got to talking and we decided that for our Honeymoon we are going to go to Florence/Venice, Italy. I did a little research and for our wedding instead of a gift registry there are actual honeymoon registries where people can give money towards our honeymoon. I mean we're already living together and we have a house and all the household items we could need. What we really want is a honeymoon in Italy, not some fancy china that we're never going to use. So now that we started the wedding talk again it's been getting me in the planning mood and I really want to check out some bridal expo's and such. I need to have more visits to Brooklyn to see Nicole so we can plan and she can help me with things. I'm really so happy that she's going to be my maid of honor. =) Other than all that, this past weekend without Steve being around was also pretty uneventful. Aiden and I kind of just hung out and did stuff together. We lounged and were lazy most of the time. I'm so excited for Easter and taking Aiden on Easter Egg hunts =). He gets cuter and more curious everyday and he makes me smile every single second. He seriously is the love of my life.
Paige is back home in NJ after being away for quite some time. She is having a birthday party for her babyboy Cash and I can't wait to get our two boys together. It's going to be fun, plus I've missed her. Until next time. <3
I had a snow day yesterday and it was very uneventful. I really hate snow and cold weather. The only time I tolerate snow is around Christmas time...snowing in March just makes me miserable. Steve and I watched an America's Next Top Model marathon yesterday and in one of the episodes they were in China and it was really pretty there. Then Steve and I got to talking and we decided that for our Honeymoon we are going to go to Florence/Venice, Italy. I did a little research and for our wedding instead of a gift registry there are actual honeymoon registries where people can give money towards our honeymoon. I mean we're already living together and we have a house and all the household items we could need. What we really want is a honeymoon in Italy, not some fancy china that we're never going to use. So now that we started the wedding talk again it's been getting me in the planning mood and I really want to check out some bridal expo's and such. I need to have more visits to Brooklyn to see Nicole so we can plan and she can help me with things. I'm really so happy that she's going to be my maid of honor. =) Other than all that, this past weekend without Steve being around was also pretty uneventful. Aiden and I kind of just hung out and did stuff together. We lounged and were lazy most of the time. I'm so excited for Easter and taking Aiden on Easter Egg hunts =). He gets cuter and more curious everyday and he makes me smile every single second. He seriously is the love of my life.
Paige is back home in NJ after being away for quite some time. She is having a birthday party for her babyboy Cash and I can't wait to get our two boys together. It's going to be fun, plus I've missed her. Until next time. <3
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Little darling, I feel like the ice is slowly melting
So my 25th birthday came and went but all in all was a very good day. I worked a half day and then when i got home Aiden and I walked over to the DMV so I could renew my license. Later that night we went out and got dinner at Bensi and Dawn, Julie and Jordan came out and celebrated with us. I had 2 drinks and got drunk (typical) and the food there was so amazing.I got a lot of gifts from Steve, his parents, my friends and family,probably more than ive gotten for past birthdays.=) It was really nice.
Steve is leaving today to go to England til Sunday.It's going to pretty lonely around the house without him. I've been trying to get someone to cover my shifts for me at Ruby's because I dont have a babysitter for Aiden this weekend which kind of sucks but i'll figure something out.
Things have been going really great. The weather seems to be gradually getting better which makes me really happy just thinking about it getting warm out. I can't wait for trips to the Zoo and to museums and to the beach, going to amusement parks and aquariums and all that fun stuff. Having a child lets you be a kid again most of the time too and I love that.
I'm going out for sushi tonight with an old friend and I'm excited/happy. It's been a while since I've had time to go out and enjoy the company of someone other than Steve. Not that I don't enjoy his company...its just nice having a change. I don't really know what I'm going to do this weekend. I didnt get to get tattooed last weekend because Steve couldnt get a hold of his friend and we just went shopping the whole day instead so I'm thinking I might go and get tattooed this weekend if my bank account will allow it. We'll see though, if not I'll do other productive stuff... like exercise. I feel like I have so much on my mind but nothing to really write about. Maybe I'll be back later to get more stuff off my mind.
Steve is leaving today to go to England til Sunday.It's going to pretty lonely around the house without him. I've been trying to get someone to cover my shifts for me at Ruby's because I dont have a babysitter for Aiden this weekend which kind of sucks but i'll figure something out.
Things have been going really great. The weather seems to be gradually getting better which makes me really happy just thinking about it getting warm out. I can't wait for trips to the Zoo and to museums and to the beach, going to amusement parks and aquariums and all that fun stuff. Having a child lets you be a kid again most of the time too and I love that.
I'm going out for sushi tonight with an old friend and I'm excited/happy. It's been a while since I've had time to go out and enjoy the company of someone other than Steve. Not that I don't enjoy his company...its just nice having a change. I don't really know what I'm going to do this weekend. I didnt get to get tattooed last weekend because Steve couldnt get a hold of his friend and we just went shopping the whole day instead so I'm thinking I might go and get tattooed this weekend if my bank account will allow it. We'll see though, if not I'll do other productive stuff... like exercise. I feel like I have so much on my mind but nothing to really write about. Maybe I'll be back later to get more stuff off my mind.
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