It is no way to live, to wait to love

Where do I begin. Well I had a miscarriage before Mother's Day which sucked a lot but it was just God's way of telling me I'm just not quite ready for another little one. I'm better now but nervous to try again. idk ive been missing a lot of things lately and it sucks.

i miss living on Silver Lake
i miss going out in the boat and fishing
i miss taking trails in the woods to get to my best friends house
i miss pretending those woods were another world
i miss visiting new towns and people
i miss driving and not knowing where I was going
i miss first dates and new loves
i miss having crushes and butterflies
i miss late nights on the couch, cuddling and watching a movie
i miss love letters
i miss sleepovers
i miss when money wasnt important and i didnt have bills (not expensive ones anyway)
i miss late night phone calls
i miss getting to know someone
i miss best friends you can trust
i miss when girls didnt have ulterior motives and were genuine
i miss driving on back country roads instead of the highway
i miss my old Victorian house
i miss going to shows with my little brother
i miss working at the hospital and nursing homes
i miss my great grandmother Irene and her best friend Evelyn
i miss growing up and doing everything with Jessica, Jillian and Julia
i miss my senior year of high school
i miss my the first boy I ever fell in love with
i miss who I was before I met him
i miss climbing trees and laying in the grass

i miss when no one knew me


The way we walk denotes we are constantly in pain.
This is my heartbeat, dragging its sleeves, pulling its grief like a chariot.
Its brushes with depth make it trite, galvanized, wheels heaving forward,
why go on, why go on? Unreasonable hope, jerking us forward.

i'm ready to leave this town and start over again. ALL OVER.