I woke up frustrated this morning. Aiden was the only thing that put a smile on my face. I thought moving into this new house was going to be fun and exciting and it hasn't been so far. Steve is wanting to be in control of so much of it and I want to be a part of the process too. It just sucks right now cause it doesnt feel like something we're doing together. I had to work last nite so his parents came and helped him paint the place and now today he's doing stuff there again and I will go home tonight and just pack. It's whatever, im probably making a bigger deal about it then I should, it's just not how I had wanted things to go. Ive been thinking about my "five year plan" a lot lately. Like what I want to be doing in the next 5 years. I honestly have no idea where my life is going and it scares me more and more everyday. I know I should be more spontaneous and let things happen... but I've got way to much at stake to do that. IDK. I'm looking forward to my birthday and spending time with my lovelies, that's about it. I have to renew my license and I keep forgetting to do it. I'm actively looking for a new full time job I just wish the economy would get better so I can do so. I guess that's all my ranting and raving for today.
It used to be so easy to love you when love for me meant a nice gesture, pulling petals from flowers and being the first one you called.
Love was keeping my laughter long in September, dragging me through leaves in the fall, rubbing my white hands between yours in the winter. Giving me salvation in the simplicity of a quiet room and holding me in empty kitchens and your head barely hovered over mine. For you it must have been something, an experience for your mind that always yearned for something more but...
I've always been so full of love.
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